January 29, 2025 : Because Dreams Exist Before Me
© 安岡喜晴 (JoyShine)
Today I came to this area to attend an external committee meeting.
I come around here about once a month, but recently I noticed that, this road leads to that nostalgic place from my memory.
Soon after I became a doctor, I began medical checkups as part of my work.
I remember, it was in the summer of that year.
That day was a sunny, clear day, and I did medical checkups at a bus station where many bus drivers worked.
The sunlight coming through the window was warm, and the air was refreshing.
As usual, I performed examinations and made sure they were in good health.
During the lunch break, I went outside.
Feeling the warm and refreshing summer breeze, I walked along the sidewalk, and had lunch at a cafe nearby.
The cafe had bookshelves lining the wall, and its classical atmosphere was impressive.
After finishing lunch, I left the cafe, and walked along the sidewalk towards the bus station.
The afternoon's checkups began, and I carefully checked their health conditions.
On this warm and calm day, I thought time passed slowly, as if I could misunderstand that time would last forever.
Since that day, more than 15 years have passed.
I never thought that this road would lead to the bus depot in my memories.
One day, while looking at the map on the Internet, I noticed that this road leads to that place full of memories.
A wave of nostalgia washed over me at that moment.
But at the same time, a quiet sense of sadness crept up on me.
At that time, I used to go to so many places with my father.
We would watch the scenery change with the seasons and have simple conversations with each other.
I thought those moments would last forever, as if they were natural to life.
But now it is no longer possible for us to walk together.
I understand that very well.
We talk, we laugh, we share everyday conversations, but no matter how much I wish, time will never wait for us.
Even though we are together now, but one day we will not be.
It's an inevitable reality, I know it in my mind, I know it in my heart, rather, I should understand it.
I don't know why, but I feel a kind of sadness. What is this feeling?
The more I try to appreciate the present, the more I fear the inevitable future.
The more memories I feel, the more painful it is to know that one day they will fade into the past.
I know that I carry these feelings around with me, but I know that all I can do is continue to live 'now'.
Suddenly I had an idea, a walk back to that road.
As if nostalgia was guiding me, my feet began to move in that direction.
But I stopped, because dreams don't exist behind.
The past holds memories, precious moments, precious days that can never come back.
There are times when I long for them, but no matter how much I look back, there will be no new future.
For dreams exist before me.
I stopped for a moment, and then, turned slowly.
In the distance, I saw the Heian Shrine.
I felt that, maybe what's really important for me now is to go forward on this path, where I'm standing now.
Instead of being trapped by the past, I believe that, peace is waiting for me, somewhere along the path I am walking for the future.
With this certainty, I took a step forward, to where my dreams await.
